Misadventures in Menzo
by Girlbrainiac
Summary: Two foolish surface-dwellers decide to seek Menzoberranzan, the famous drow city. They don't expect what they get... Humor may not have been completely acheived. Please R/R!


"Is everything in place

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters (except Ariana and Krylan) or Menzoberranzan!

Misadventures in Menzo

"Is everything in place?"

"Of course it is! Stop worrying! We'll only be here for a day, and you'll never get another opportunity like this again. Just think of it! The first surface-dwellers to view Menzoberranzan in the guise of inhabitants! We'll be famous! And-"

"Shush! We don't want everyone to know we're here! Shut up!"

A male drow walked towards them with an even gait, and a determined look. "Who is the first house?" he asked.

"Baenre" replied Ariana.

"Their youngest son?" 

"Iblith." Ariana replied confidently.

"Iblith! Who are you calling Iblith?" the drow said, while drawing both swords.

She looked to Krylan wondering what she had said wrong. He leaned over and explained to her that she had just called him an oaf.

"Qu'lox un'zrathe rothe fre'ater'itre," she said trying to mend the situation by apologizing. Unfortunately, if you translated what she said it means, 'may you be trampled by a thousand rothe'. As you could well imagine, the dark elf was not pleased.

He charged at this drow who had dared call him an oaf. Luckily for Ariana, he was so blind with rage that he missed her by two feet, and she had enough sense to stick a poisoned dart in him that would make him sleep for hours.

They headed toward the city. As they walked past, they noticed several different fenced-in areas often including stalagmites, and sometimes stalactites. They also noticed that The guards were giving them curious looks like they knew the pair didn't belong there.

Ariana and Krylan shrugged it off, figuring it was a sign of respect awarded to drow nobles, which is what they were pretending to be.

They soon came to the center of the city where a tall pillar of rock stood, towering above them. Unlike the sculpted surfaces of the rest of the city, this pillar remained untouched by an artisan's tool. A male drow, obviously important because everyone stayed out of his way, approached the pillar and started an incantation. The incantation soon reached its peak and the drow stopped. Nothing happened.

"That's okay," said Krylan to the drow. "Maybe it will work next time."

The drow looked at Krylan like he was crazy, then turned away to go. The drow then started walking but stopped dead in his tracks, turned around, and stared at them. If he had seen a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people-eater, his eyes couldn't have gone wider. This expression lasted an instant longer before he plunged himself into the throes of a spell. Ariana and Krylan were smart enough to dive aside as the fireball whizzed toward them, causing one unfortunate drow behind them to lose their life.

"What's the big idea!" yelled Ariana for a very apparent reason (and for those of you who don't know, I'm not telling you!) Everyone in the street stopped what they were doing and stared at her, not because they couldn't understand her, but because she had been louder than the whole city altogether on any given day.

The drow who had attacked them (If you don't know who it is I'm not telling you!) Started another spell and they blacked out.

***

When they awoke, they found themselves hanging by their wrists in some very dark hole. They didn't know if their eyes were open or closed, it was so dark.

Two red glowing eyes stared at them through the darkness.

"May I ask you how you survived?" said the voice through the darkness; "did you take up with Bregan D'arthe? Were you not in the house when it was eliminated? Why do you reveal yourself now?"

"You must have us confused with someone else. I could have the skin flailed from your bones for detaining us here! We're nobles!" yelled Krylan to the unseen interrogator.

The eyes disappeared quite suddenly.

"You're not the only nobles in this city, you know."

A glowing blue fire suddenly sprang up in the palm of the drow's hand to reveal their interrogator. It was the same one who attacked them in the city. His eyes opened revealing amber colored orbs.

"In fact, you no longer exist. There haven't been any Do'Urdens in this city for at least ten years. You've made a grave mistake. Now tell me who you really are."

"Tri'ierl'f li'ande kre'harla cre'tezer Baenre kazid'hea," said Ariana hoping she was saying 'are you from house Baenre.'

Krylan looked at her in horror. She had actually said 'may all from Baenre be cut into little pieces and fed to the spiders.'

She was slapped across the face.

"It's obvious, that if you are even drow, you were thrown out of the house for incompetence."

He muttered something and a knowing smirk showed on his face.

"Ah, some more humans for the slave lines. Might I ask you how you got directions here?"

"We met a drow in Calimport."

He seemed to think over this for a few minutes before asking "and what did this drow look like?"

"He'd probably stand out in this city. He had strange boots and jewelry. One minute they would be clanging loudly, and the next silent as the wind. He wore a high-cut vest and a multi-colored cloak. He liked to switch his red eye-patch from one eye to the other. The thing that stood out the most, though, was that enormous purple hat with the giant feather that covered his bald head."

Gromph Baenre chuckled as they were added on the slave line. Jarlaxle did have a good eye for gullible yet strong slaves…

***

Jarlaxle snickered as he added another two notches to a small stick he had been keeping. He looked again into the small scrying mirror; they were sculpting the outside of the Baenre compound at the moment.

"That's another two humans baited and hooked! Have fun my little fishies!" he said twirling his hat in the air.

THE END.

A/N: In case this wasn't clear, Krylan has some sort of translating item that translates his speech to drow and other's speech to common. Ariana (she learned drow from Jarlaxle) only has a one way translator. She can understand other people when they speak drow, but she has to speak in drow for them to understand her.


End file.
